Monday, January 5, 2015

TERROR TIMES THREE: SANTA’S SLAY

Previously in Tony Isabella’s Bloggy Thing...

Suffering from writer’s block, reader’s block, the flu, a cold and the boogie-woogie blues, Tony Isabella watched three horror movies in a row. He has reviewed ThanksKilling (2009) and The Bees (1978}. Today he writes about Santa’s Slay (2005)...

This black comedy won me over with the opening scene as the again-evil Santa Claus - I’ll explain that in a bit - busts through the chimney/fireplace of the dysfunctional-but-well-to-do Mason family and proceeds to slaughter the entire family. What makes the opening scene so wonderful is that most of the family members are beloved and famous Jewish actors like James Caan, Fran Drescher, Rebecca Gayheart and Chris Kattan, all taking obvious delight in being part of this crazy horror movie.

Sidebar. Most of the film’s lead actors are Jewish. Without taking the viewer out of the movie, they all seem to be having a fun time with this movie. That sense of fun is infectious.

Here’s the basic plot...

Santa is the son of Satan and a mortal woman. A thousand years ago, he lost a curling wager with an angel and has been forced to be a good Santa for all those centuries. Those thousand years are over and everyone is on Santa’s naughty list, especially the angel who defeated him. If you must know the identity of that angel, scroll down to the “Spoilers Ahead” part of today’s bloggy thing.

Douglas Smith plays Nicholas Yuleson, a teen outsider who works in a butcher shop owned by Mr. Green (Saul Rubinek of Warehouse 13). Emilie de Ravin plays Mary 'Mac' Mackenzie, who also works at the butcher shop and on whom Douglas has a crush. She likes him, too. The great Robert Culp plays Douglas’ grandfather, a local eccentric who invents mostly useless devices. Dave Thomas plays the lecherous Pastor Timmons, who spends his church’s collection offerings at the town strip club.

In minor-but-vital roles, we have Jeff Hanna and Paul Punyi. Hanna is Mac’s gun-loving brother who is in the denial closet. Punyi is her gun-loving father. They’re spending Christmas with a bunch of their pals, shooting skeet and whatever else crosses their sights.

Former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg plays Santa Claus and is just over-the-top enough to be hilarious. If I were making horror or monster movies, I would find this man a role in every single one of them. He’s that much fun as he racks up a body count that would make Michael and Jason envious.

After dispatching a great many people, Santa focuses on Douglas and his granddad. If you want to know why, just scroll down past these bold-faced lines of warning.

SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILERS AHEAD
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Grandpa Yuleson is the angel who beat Santa a thousand years ago. Culp’s character had fallen in love with a human woman and given up his divinity to have a family with her. When Grandad is run over by Santa’s hell-deer, it looks like Douglas and Mac are on their own A frantic chase through the town follows with the teens ending up at their high school.

Things look bad until Grandpa shows up to challenge Santa Claus to  a curling rematch. Santa cheats and it looks like Grandpa will be spending an eternity of torment in Hell. The kids manage to rescue Gramps, but, for reasons not really explained, the born-again angel can’t leave the ice rink.

Douglas and Mac lead Santa and his flying sled back to where Mac’s dad and brother are shooting up stuff with their friends. Offered a chance to shoot down a reindeer, Mac’s dad pulls out a bazooka. In a heartbeat, it’s raining reindeer and there’s no sign of Santa. Until the final scene...

Christmas has passed. The powerless-until-next-year Santa books a flight to Winnipeg, Canada. I imagine getting a connecting flight to the North Pole will be a less-than-joyous experience.

SPOILERS OVER
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Santa’s Slay is great fun. I could watch it again, maybe as part of a Christmas horror movie marathon. I could also envision a sequel to this movie if the producers came up with a different take on the evil Santa Claus scenario. I have my own ideas for such a sequel, so maybe their people should call my people.

Kudos to director and writer David Steiman for coming up with this entertaining movie...and for talking so many of his famous friends into appearing in it. This one is a keeper.

Thanks for spending part of your online day with me. I’ll be back tomorrow with more stuff.

© 2015 Tony Isabella

2 comments:

  1. Well, if I ever do a curling Theme for the Movie Quiz, I know I'll have at least one movie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I managed to catch Thankskilling 3 on Netflix the other day. It defies description.

    ReplyDelete